Yaejin Park
Second Stage
Ms. Johnson
12 /11/06
Note from Author
I tried my best-or at least I think so-in these poems. I do my best works mostly in home; it seems like I cannot concentrate in the school due to all the distractions I get and cause (I cause more distractions more than I get). As you read on, you will see that most of my poems are related to school. That is because I am most influenced by school-maybe this is because I am a student-and grades.
What I value the most in the writing process is how much I have tried and tried to change major and minor mistakes. By major mistakes, I mean choosing “right” vocabularies and sentence fluency (Concrete poem is an exception). These do not have an essential role in some poems, but I try my best if I have to have nice word choices and smoothly flowing sentences.
Until now, I have learned and improved in word choice and ideas. I used to put in ordinary words, which made all my writing boring. I learned what kind of vocabularies can be used instead of common words that make a sentence vague. Although I cannot use “fancy” vocabularies all the time, I try to avoid boring words. I did improve in the idea category, but not as much as I did in word choice. When I wrote, I could not focus on the topic I have chosen –although I am still like this. I got out of the topic during the process of list poem. These improvements changed my writing into better writing, but I think I can still improve. Through these poems, I have improved in these two categories a little bit more.
To My family and friends
Table of Contents
Fail (Concrete Poem) ………………………………………………………………………Page 1
Poetry Allergy (List Poem) ……………………………………………………………….Page 2
Departure (Two Rooms) …………………………………………………………………..Page 3
Lunch Time (Sound Poem) ………………………………………………………………..Page 4
What a Helpful Machine (Villanelle) ……………………………………………………Page 5
Concrete Poem
Careless Students
Fail
Fear of punishment Fear of punishment Fear of punishment
Panic Panic Panic Panic Panic Panic Panic Panic Panic Panic
Intercept report card Intercept report card Intercept report card
Sixty Sixty
Sixty Sixty
Sixty Sixty
Sixty Sixty
Silent dinner table Quiet dinner table Silent dinner table
Quiet dinner table Silent dinner table Quiet dinner table
What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?
Slap myself
Slap myself
Slap myself
Punch wall
Punch wall
Punch wall
Pull my hair
Pull my hair
Pull my hair
List Poem
Poetry Haters
Poetry Allergy
- First of all, I am a lousy writer.
- I can’t find the fantastic, marvelous words for each stanza.
- I can’t understand the poetry I wrote by myself.
- I used to memorize it and I was FORCED to.
- I have to read it with expression.
- I have to decorate the final draft of poetry sometimes.
- I am sometimes asked to interpret the poem and even its punctuation!
- I just hate it
- I can’t choose one topic; there are too many of them!
- My poems are sleeping pills for the audience.
- That is why I hate showing it to people, including my friends.
- Somehow it seems too beautiful for me to write.
Two Rooms
People with Siblings
Departure
I live in a doorway
Between two rooms
I see the sun peering over the buildings, bright as usual.
But why do I feel so gloomy?
The bed next to mine is empty
And the house seems roomy
My sister is on her way to another continent, the furthest one from where I am.
I hear my sibling’s exhausted but happy voice.
She says I will fly over the oceans
To spend a week with her this winter
Suddenly I see the fantasy of stepping on the foreign land
And finding my one and only sister, waiting for me in the airport
Self Assessment (Two Rooms)
“Departure”
Some lines are too long. I have to try to shorten some sentences so it sounds more like a line in a poem, not a statement. The audience is not included, and that is the one of the most important factors that needs to be included in the poem. The audience can be people with sibling, or people who have arguments often with their siblings. The adjective words can be changed a bit.
Sound Poem
Children
Lunch Time
Ding~dong~dang~dong~
Goes the lunch bell at a school
You hear the thump, thump, thump of children running to the cafeteria
Rrrrumble…rrrowl…
The stomachs are growling for the search of food
The clink, clank, clunk
Of forks and knives form a band
Squeeak…Squeee sqeeeeee~k
Groaned the chairs as they were dragged away from the table
And the plates join in the chorus with a crash!
As the students shove each other to the door
With another thump, thump, thump
This time accompanied with the yell, “The soccer ball is mine!”
Self Assessment (Sound Poem)
“Lunch Time”
I had to change some words because they were repeating too much. Repeating about two to three times is just enough, so I changed some of the words in each line. Since this poem had no or almost no sentences, I could not do anything with sentence fluency. The words are boring. I did okay in putting in my own experience in some lines, such as “Punch wall” and “Pull my hair.” There are not very many feelings shown in the poem. Otherwise, the poem is okay.
Villanelle
Computer makers
What a Helpful Machine
In front of my desk and chair I sway
I would have done all the work if the computer had not stopped.
No one can fix the dumb machine today.
I wait and frown expecting it to come out of delay.
In frustration I screamed and hopped.
In front of my desk and chair I sway
On the bed, angry, I lay.
No actually, on the bed I flopped.
No one can fix the dumb machine today
Almost bawling, I pray.
I know I should have chosen another computer when I shopped.
In front of my desk and chair I sway.
For an hour there is no change…“Yay!”
Because of my anger, my brain almost popped.
No one can fix the dumb machine today.
It is like this everyday.
Back on the chair I lopped.
In front of my desk and chair I sway
No one can fix the dumb machine today
Self Assessment (Villanelle)
“What a Helpful Machine”
I have written a villanelle about having a computer frozen. My first draft was a mess because the use of vocabularies was not correct. I had crammed in the vocabularies, thinking that I should find rhyming words first and then think about grammar later, and that made it hard for me to fix. So I had to change many vocabularies at the end to find words I can use (and words that also rhyme). Some sentences look a bit awkward. For example, the third stanza, line 7, “On the bed, angry, I lay,” it does not seem right to me. It sounds as if the bed is angry, not me. I fixed other major mistakes, but it seems like I have to check and see if the sentences make sense or not. If not, I will have to fix it and in the worst case, I have to change every single vocabulary at each end of the lines. I need to look at some of the word choices also.
